Curing Bipolar Disorder: 1 Year Symptom Free

To anyone clinically diagnosed with some form of Bipolar Disorder, the title of this post probably sounds like some click-bait ad along the same lines as “Make millions of dollars fast and easy from your own home!” or “Look 20 years younger overnight with this one simple trick!” Would those promises be nice? For sure. Are they actually legitimate? No way.

In the case of my post title though, I’m living proof that its actually possible, as impossible as that may sound. 8 years ago shortly before Christmas I was clinically diagnosed with Type 1 Bipolar Disorder. I was hospitalized on two separate occasions for  psychotic mania (ie. suffering from delusions and hallucinations), and went through various different prescription medications and years of misery and struggle. Yet now, as I write this post, I am currently sitting at the one year mark of being entirely symptom free.  And that isn’t for lack of triggers and the stress of various momentous life events: from missing way more sleep than usual, to entering into a serious romantic relationship for the first time, to dealing with unexpected family emergencies, and more, 2019 has been a very eventful year!

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My piano teacher and me at her year end recital

Despite my hopes of getting into the habit of writing more regularly on here (something I mentioned in my first post at the beginning of the year), I haven’t written anything new since March. This is largely due to the fact that my previous motivation for writing stemmed from my own personal experiences with depression, mania and everything in between that I was going through on a day to day basis. Having been completely symptom free for an entire year has meant that Bipolar Disorder in general has rarely come to my mind, and I’ve had no new thoughts and inspirations to put into a post. But aside from that, its also something I haven’t had any desire to dwell on much. I’ve just been savouring the ability to live life like a normal person again, free from the looming shadow of having to juggle everyday life while avoiding triggers and bracing myself for inevitable future episodes on the horizon.

If you haven’t read any of my previous posts before, I encourage you to check out my post Withdrawl – Part 5: Med-Free Bipolar for an explanation as to what has helped me reach a place of complete stability for such an extended period of time. At this point, I consider my Bipolar Disorder to be cured—though there is a caveat to that. The reason I’ve been symptom free is that I continue taking the supplements I mentioned in that post with the same borderline-religious regularity that I used to take my prescription meds. Were I to come off of those supplements, I have little doubt I’d start having symptoms again sooner or later. So in that sense, I’m not completely cured. But for all intents and purposes, I’m no longer someone who deals with Bipolar Disorder.

Of course, I still hang onto a lot of my pre-established life routines from my bipolar days—I try my best to get regular sleep, I don’t go out wildly partying or binge drinking (not that I would even if I could), I continue to watch my stress levels and organize my schedule so as not to get overburdened and burn myself out. But I have way more flexibility in my day to day life and choices, and a sense of peace and freedom knowing that if I have a night here or there where I only get a couple hours of sleep, or I have an especially stressful/difficult week, I’m not going to plunge into weeks of depression or skyrocket into weeks of steadily escalating mania as a result. I thank God over and over again for the unbelievable miraculous blessing that this is. For years I thought I’d spend the rest of my life chained and constrained by my disorder. Now I feel like I can finally live again.

So I come to ultimate reason for this post: I think I may be putting this blog to rest. I started it because I felt strongly called to minister to other people going through the same challenges as me, to offer them a Christian, faith-filled perspective on the gritty realities of living with a serious mental illness. Now that I’m free of my illness, I’m not sure what else to say except to urge other fellow sufferers to look into the things that brought me to this place of restored health. Even if your illness is something other than Bipolar, the supplements formulated by the TrueHope company help with managing many other conditions as well, including anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, autism and others. Diet and lifestyle are also important components of recovery— for instance, I eat a ketogenic diet now by and large, though I do allow myself to indulge and eat whatever I feel like now and then when hanging with friends.

I may change my mind and write other posts in future if ideas come to me. But even if I don’t, what I’ve written so far will remain here for anyone who needs it. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask! I’ll be notified of any comments here and will respond to them.

May God bless you and keep you!

Kasani

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How Do You Use Your Time?

 

How are you spending your time?

As a devout Catholic, this is something I ask myself every day.

I may only be 23, but with my life experiences and mental illness, I think it’s safe to say that I am far more aware of my own mortality than most other adults, both young and old. I don’t assume that because I’m young I have a long life ahead of me. I could die in my sleep tonight. I could die on the drive to work tomorrow. I could be diagnosed with a life threatening disease next week and be dead within the month.

Whenever I make reference to that reality to any of the people in my life, they almost always brush it off and discourage that line of thinking as “negative” and “doom and gloom.” I’ve had people who know me less well quip comments such as “don’t be silly, you have your whole life ahead of you.”

Oh really?

Have you received a personal revelation from God that I’m going to have a long life?

Because in case you haven’t noticed, people my age die all the time.

I understand why the people who care about me dislike this subject, because they emphatically don’t want me to die. I also understand why people in general dislike this subject. It’s uncomfortable, isn’t it? Nobody wants to talk about death. Not until it’s staring one in the face. And even then, many people would rather run from it. Turn their back and flee from reality. Hide in the newest distraction — the next experience, gadget, book, hobby, job, educational endeavor, vacation extravaganza… you name it.

Run away. Just keep running. Don’t ever look back.

That seems to be the motto of the society we live in: Never. Acknowledge. Death.

To the point where we cover up murder with fancy names like “euthanasia” and “abortion” and claim they are “humane options” to “difficult problems.”

Here’s a difficult problem for you: You’re going to die someday, regardless of what life choices you make.

How does that make you feel?

This post is a rather dramatic switch from my usual tone, but it’s not intended to be depressing. It’s meant to be thought provoking. Because how you respond to the thought of death says a lot about how you are currently living your day-to-day life.

I actually look forward to death, and not in a suicidal way. Trust me, as someone with type 1 Bipolar Disorder, I do not take suicide lightly. I’ve been suicidal before. I couldn’t be farther from that place now. What I currently feel is homesickness for heaven. I long for a reality that cannot be fulfilled in this life. I long for my Lord and Savior. For complete union with Him in heaven. But my time here on earth isn’t finished yet, and in the meantime, I have to be patient. My greatest “fear,” if you will, is that I will, in-fact, have a long life and die of “old age” when I’m 101.

I do not want to be stuck here that long. I really don’t. And not because my life is bad. I have a very good life. I just know that as long as I’m on this earth, living this life, I will never be fully satisfied, and I yearn for more. I’m impatient.

That said, I would never, ever allow that impatience to rush me.

“For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain” Philippians 1:21

As long as I am still breathing, God has a purpose for me to fulfill on this earth. And in my better moments I want nothing more than to fulfill that purpose. That awareness fills me with peace and happiness far more often than I am anxious or unhappy.

A very great deal of the anxiety and depression experienced within our society has nothing to do with “mental illness” and everything to do with “life choices.” And I don’t mean big choices like who your spouse should be, or whether or not to get cancer treatment (though obviously such choices will have a major impact on you). I mean daily decisions moment to moment. Where do your thoughts go when you first open your eyes in the morning? What’s your first choice when you get to the end of the day and want to relax? How do you approach the work you do for a living? What is your attitude? Why?

I don’t care of you’re Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, Atheist… Really, I don’t. I know what I believe, and there’s nothing anyone can say to fundamentally change it. Though I must say, if you don’t have a faith or opinion on a belief system, you may want to do some serious thinking and research…. far better to do it now than put it off until you’re dying. Because you are going to die, whether you like it or not.

Most religions believe in a higher power of some sort that we have to meet when we die. If you’re a Christian, then you believe that “being” is a Good and Loving God in Heaven. But have you considered the fact that Heaven, by its theological definition is not a place, but a person?

Heaven is God. It’s a relationship with supreme Love.

If you haven’t started that relationship now, while you’re on earth… what sort of meeting do you expect with this “God” on the other side?

“Hey there. I know you gave me 23 years to start building a relationship with you, but there were just so many shows on Netflix to binge-watch I couldn’t be bothered to get around to getting to know you…despite the fact that you loved me into existence and died for me. Sorry bro.”

That really isn’t meant to be funny. It’s actually quite sad. Because it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that in my country, were we to be wiped out tonight in a nuclear war, most of my generation would be making a just such an excuse to their Creator.

So the next time you reach for a game on Facebook, flip open Pinterest, or open the browser on whatever electronic device you prefer, ask yourself this:

What am I doing? Why am I doing it? If this were the last 15 minutes I had to live… how would I rather be spending it? And why do I feel that way?

Until next time, take care and God bless!

Kasani